Here’s to you Robert Frank
Someday soon is a curse. Someday soon always seems like it would work at the time. You think, “I will get around to it, I will.” You wait and wait and wait and wait some more until someday soon has already passed you by. I had to go to my Grandfather’s funeral last week. I never really knew him; he was never a part of my life. He was a recluse and a loner, but even though he was never around, I’ve been thinking about him. I’ve been thinking back on things he did. I’ve been thinking about the little things; the little things that I now see were his way of caring…in his own very very weird way.
He would always drive his old beat up cars down our street just to check on us, but never stop in. I would get Christmas cards and Birthday Cards left in the mailbox once and a while with some messy scribbles, “Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday. From Grandpa” and a ten dollar bill. I found out at his funeral that he loved playing music and recording songs on his tape recorder. A whole lot of missing pieces clicked in my head. Connections. We had a guitar of his down in my basement ever since I could remember. A Teisco Del Ray. It was blue and had gold flowers and vines running all over the body. I didn’t know how to play it, but I always loved looking at that guitar. I would pick it up and strum and strum and mush would come out. I still have that guitar in my room. It sounds awful, but it reminds me of when I was young and now it reminds me of where I found my passion. I never realized it, but I may have never have been interested in playing music if it hadn’t been for that guitar…and all my Mom and Dad’s Electric Light Orchestra records. He gave it to me. He gave it to my family. I don’t know why and I probably never will, but it’s still neat.
Anyway, I get sad, because I could have visited him. I knew where he lived. I knew he had coffee everyday at the old truck stop off the highway. I was waiting for someday soon. “Someday soon I will visit him.” “Someday Soon I will knock on his door.” “Someday soon I will visit him at the nursing home.” I waited too long for someday soon and then it was too late. This past week I have thought more about my Grandfather than I have in 24 years. I don’t know why it took me so long. I don’t know why his death triggered some kind of synapse in my brain to say, “You are grown up now. Realize your mistakes. Congratulations!” I think about the man he was. I think about everything he didn’t do for me and how it has made me into the man I am today. I think about what could have been.
My nephew, he’s 7, came down for the funeral. My Grandfather wished to be cremated and this was a new concept for my nephew.
We were in this slightly damp, empty room at the funeral home, both looking at his urn. He looked up and asked, “Why is he in that jar?”
I replied, “He wanted to be cremated.”
He looked up at me, “Did they burn him?”
“Yes, but he was dead first.”
“Why did he want to be burned?”
“Sometimes people don’t want to be buried in the ground. Sometimes they want to be put in their favorite place…like in the ocean or on the prairie or- ”
“At the creamery!? I want to be creamated and you can put me in the ice cream at the Creamery.”
He is 7 and his favorite place is an ice cream shop we went to in Pensacola, Florida.
I realized that my Grandfather taught me a valuable lesson. I need to, and I think this goes for everyone here, but WE need to love, just love the people we care about. New friends, old friends, family you know, the ones you see every day and the ones you never see or have never met at all. Girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, soul mates, band mates and when it comes down to it, whoever you really give a damn about or whoever you think gives a damn about you. Don’t wait for someday soon to wonder what could have been. Love, just love damn it…and do it now. It hurts my heart not to know what could have been between me and my Grandfather. We could have sang songs together and recorded them on our tape recorders. We could have drank coffee and gave the Teisco Del Ray a play. Some things aren’t meant to play out, but I know deep down that he was a good man and he meant well. I think about him more than ever now and I think about the someday soon too. Here’s to you, Robert Frank and all the people we care about. Here’s to you.
Behind again on uploading work…I will have some lithographs on here soon.
"Man on Scaffolding." 2011. Max Patzner
I’ve been sitting on this photograph for a year now. I love it, but I’m still wondering what to do with it. I thought I might as well publish it on the internet.
I had some photography work published in a journal full of art and poetry, but they asked me for a head shot to include with the work. I’ve never had a head shot taken or ever thought I would need one, but I transformed our kitchen into a photo studio for a day and came up with this. I actually like this photo as a self portrait…
I am trying to get back into the swing of things after a crazy year of making art non stop. I just uploaded a handful of photographs that I have been keeping in a secret folder on my desktop for longer than I can remember. You can find them here: www.flickr.com/maxpatzner
Join us Friday the 13th @ 62 Doors for a night of Art, Music, Food, Free Beer and good company.
P.S. Anyone who looks at this tumblr thing, this is where all my “professional fine art” kinda stuff will be posted. So follow that too if you want! I will post more on that from now on.
Three Deer. 2010
Here is the Atom’s Rite release show poster I made. The album is finally here! 3ish years in the making…its going to be good.
Check out my flickr to see my Minot Flood Craziness.
The Man with 2 First Names
My newest film to add to the collection. Starring Joe Koppinger and Danae Boyko also with Joel Johnson and Noah Files. My first jump into Lighting and Sound Production.